Sunday, January 24, 2010


When I stop caring about a trend I always think the trend has died and then I am surprised when it's still around. What? I don't effect the ebb and flow of cosmic fads?! Shocking.

Anyhoo - I am editing this guys paper for a class at SU (and getting paid to do so waahooo!) and I enjoy multitasking while working so I was poking around at the internet and thought hey! I haven't read postsecret in AGES are people still doing that?? And lo and behold they are. I was of course shocked. I have two of that guys books but I'm kind of over it. Secrets on a postcard - it's been done, no? And really, there isn't much to say about that except when I saw this secret:

and I wanted to hurl.

Ok here is the best case scenario where I look like a jackass. Deserved = past tense so let's say this relationship didn't work out for said writer. Ok. Still pukey. Then let's say the other person died. Tragic. I like it. Pain makes good art. But what? You're going to spend an entire writing career writing about your failed (either tragically or normally) relationship over and over again? Vomit. Also - who just up and decides to become a writer. That burden is BESTOWED upon you, my friend. It's generally not really a choice. Even if you ignore it, the writing just kind of eeks out of you.

So yes. Bleck. Sappy crap. I knew there was a reason I stopped reading that site.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

The Frailty of Man

Kamel as been bitching about a really really bad sore throat for .... mmm ... at least 5 days now? Possibly more, but let's be honest at a certain point I just tune him out, ok? So yesterday when he was still complaining and the advil wasn't working I say "I bet you have strep throat. Go look in the mirror at the back of your throat and if it looks like cottage cheese you'll know."

How is it that all the women I know have some sort of medical knowledge? This has to be passed down from the midwife traidtion. Or when doctors were so scarce they couldn't be counted on for anything but the nearly dead. My other rhetorical question is how do men not know any of this shit? For reals. Without a mother or a wife or a sister (and aside from the obvious birthing, feeding, and general caring for before the age where you're tall enough to reach for food) men would shrivel up and die before they're thirty.

Back to my story: Kamel comes back from the bathroom proclaiming his throat generally pink and creepy looking, like something you'd see on Grey's Anatomy. I am skeptical but then I put his complaints back under the category of "Whining" and move on. I tell him he should call the doctor and maybe he can get a perscription for these little pearl capsules that numb you so you can swallow and eat again. So he calls and the fine (ass hole-y) people at kaiser tell him even if he has strep, it can go away on it's own and they don't want to over medicate him and the only thing he would get is a prescription for IB Profen so stay home and stop complaining. He later confesses to me that right before he called the Dr. he had the irrational fear it might be throat cancer, which in turn reminds me so much of my father I have to laugh and call him crazy on repeat. When I tell claire this portion of the story she reminds me that I am always thinking I am pregnant or have aids so really I have no room to point fingers. Touche, roomate, touche.

But then this morning I guess poor bunny Kamel wakes up with searing throat pain so he immediately calls the kaiser of doom and gets an appointment for 10am. I text him and remind him to ask for the numbing pills. I guess when the lady with the flashlight finally looked into his throat she made a face that said "HOLY SHIT!" and said "woah that is very severe. You must be in incredible pain." This is where I don't feel bad because 1) apparently boys* don't know where the back of their throats are 2) if he was in severe pain, which he says he was, why didn't he demand to see a dr.? And why did the medical people badger him into not coming in? This seems ridiculous to me. and finally 3) He should have just gone when i told him to go yesterday. So this is my I told you so moment.

He is now armed with numbing spray, antibiotics to take three times a day, and a pending prescription for vicodin if he so chooses. That's some intense strep. He also was told not to go to work until wednesday because he is "highly contagious" or "radioactive" as he put it. This is where the distance between San Francisco and Seattle works in my favor.

And i actually do feel bad because sore throats suck. And even now I'm swallowing and it reminds me of when I've had them and I wince simply from the memory.

*Also, yes, I know I'm totally generalizing. But seriously - I have a wealth of general everyday medical knowledge passed down to me from my exceptionally smart mother and these. Do boys simply not absorb this knowledge? Do they tune it out? Do mothers bestow this only upon daughters? What's the sitch?

Also - another story: One time when I was 14 my dad told me that I could still go swimming when I had my period without a pad or a tampon because the pressure of the water would keep the period from leaking out. I was adamantly against this so called "truth" he was speaking and of course ran and told my mom. Where do boys get this stuff? I mean it's funny, but eventually somebody has to tell them the facts of life. No?

Thursday, January 14, 2010


I debated writing about this because I generally like to keep things fluffy - even when I'm serious it's often with a wink and a nod. But I find myself more and more annoyed with the constant chatter about how little Obama has done in his first year as president. There are a lot of people all over the news, in polls, in the grocery store, wherever - that are constantly discussing how little our president has accomplished. Where is the man from the campaign? Mr. "I'm gonna fix the world" Mr. "I ran on a campaign of hope and nothing else"! Blahblahblah. Ok seriously? No politician does everything they say on the campaign trial, none of the people running for president are privy to all the security/military goings on that the current president is. They can talk about their platforms and their views and their goals and then we the people vote based on who we think has the best chance of actually reaching those goals which probably have something to do with our own political/social/(god forbid)religious vision. Does that make sense? It's a lot of hoping and crossing fingers that the people picked the best person. It's never a for sure thing and no leader is ever going to be perfect or 100% efficient.

Here's the deal with Obama:
1) He is not a dictator. He cannot run into the white house, wave a magic wand, and poof his will be done.

2) He was handed a shitty economy and a war. A war he most likely didn't have all the intel on until he became president. So yes, he wants to pull out of Iraq, that's where he stands, but I'm going to trust that dude has more information than me on Afghanistan, etc. And that he probably doesn't even want to be in this conflict - based on what I know of his platform, etc - so I am actually (This time, for the moment) going to trust that maybe he knows something I don't. And I do actually think that he's not so much of a shithead to want to kill thousands of people (soldiers and civilians getting in the way of an IED and the like) for his own personal gain.

3) If you didn't know this already, let me inform you - Obama is a Constitutionalists. He actually takes great stock in the way our country runs and he doesn't want to fuck with it. He is methodical and careful in his decisions. He may strive to be dynamic but he's going to do it within the parameters of our governing system. Our system doesn't act swiftly.

4) Healthcare is a large fish to fry. Fish may even be too small of a word for my metaphor is what I'm saying. If it doesn't work, it's a first step to bettering the quality of life for many American's. It also raised the quality of debate in this country (to quote West Wing). It got everyone talking about what they need from healthcare, from our government, who is screwing us over with healthcare, etc etc.

I'm on the moderate end of liberal and I don't think anyone is above criticism, but seriously? We're raking this guy over the coals after a year in office when the economy is on the slow mend, we haven't started any new wars (Afghanistan? My opinion is we should have been there in the first place), and the world loves us more than ever with Obama in office. So people have criticized him for not doing enough... what did George Dubya do to improve my life in any way? I'll take complaints over inactivity over robbing me of my personal liberties any day.

Monday, January 11, 2010

Kindle Dilemma

To Kindle or not to Kindle? That is the eternal question. I was very stoked about getting one for christmas, esp after seeing maris's and how neat it all seemed. And it's still neat and I will be using it, but not right now. Here is what I think the Kindle is good (great) for: Long plane rides - lots of books in a tiny carrier, travel in general (lots of books in a tiny carrier, hello pool side- just don't get it wet), and the future. Yes. The future. The unfeeling cold, metallic future!

Why the future and not now you say? Well, first - I have a stack of books that are yelling at me to be read. A stack. Of real life page to page with a cover made of paper stack of books. And in my impoverished state I cannot bring myself to spend money on other books. Although - thank you Regina for supplying me with an amazon gift card to wipe away those fears. But even with that money I feel overwhelmed with the amount of reading material demanding my attention. Ok so - this must be the transition phase, no? What every new Kindle owner goes through? The weird inbetween place where I have some old and some new and must finish the old to move on to the new. Except... the Kindle is a little impersonal. Every books looks the same. Every book smells the same. Every book feels the same. This is weird and unfamiliar. And what about the whole bit of walking into a book store and feeling the books? Reading the backs? Reading reviews from book shop people? I know you can do all of this at but it's not the same. I don't like clicking on links and trying to navigate the site and not see the handwriting of who wrote what (because I judge reliability based on scroll alone sometimes) and something about the whole process just doesn't seem genuine.

But then again, ipods made music both easier and less hands on. And computers made communication easier and less hands on. But those things have revolutionized the way we live - some would say for the negative but the majority would say for the positive. And maybe we all just need some time to accept the future of books. The other thing is that maybe the publishing industry needs to shake things up a bit. Maybe book sales should be more reader to writer based and the needs for a third party should be diminished. Because although publishers do a great service with editing and marketing a book, they take a large amount of the profits. Could the kindle and the internet reduce those costs? Could they reduce the costs to the consumer - they already do. Like itunes with music, books on the kindle are cheaper. Would this increase readership? If books were easier to carry around and more accessible would more people read? I hope so. Although - the other aspect of books I am sad to see go - my ability to snoop on what other people are reading on the bus. With the Kindle there is no cover art and makes peaking over one's shoulder incredibly awkward.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Bus Scenario

I take the bus to and from work. I take it as much as I can because it's cheaper than dealing with my car (Gas, parking, etc). Thursday I get on the bus and it's packed so I head to the back where there are usually seats. I scan the seats. The reason I scan seats is because one time in San Francisco I almost sat in pee but thankfully this one lady warned me RIGHT before my butt touched the seat and then she - bless her heart - wiped it UP with a napkin she had in her purse. AMAZING. So - I scan seats. And on this particular bus ride before work in Seattle I was seat scanning and spotted a a large loogey on one of the seats. So I deftly avoided it and sat in the seat next to it. Sigh of relief inserted here.

But then here is where things get annoying. A dilemma began to surface. I was now the keeper of the loogey. Every time a person approached the back of the bus I was acutely aware of the seat that no one should be sitting in. The seat I had to warn them of. Now my bus ride was no longer a nice, relaxing reprieve before work, it was now full of stress and the possibility that someone might sit in a bundle of thick spit, ruin their pants before work and it would ALL BE MY FAULT. So I saved one guy from sitting there but he said he had seen it right at the last minute. So one down, infinite possibilities of people to go. Nothing happened for a few stops but then a large man wearing light colored khakis - the worst type of pants to stain with anything wet - approached and eyed the spot next to me. I hoped that he would see it like the other guy did and I wouldn't have to say anything. But then he turned and began the squat-to-sit motion. Ah! Danger! I thought. And just as he was hovering above the seat both me and dude #1 cried out "no no! don't sit there" and then I alone explained "there's spit." He was grateful and all but damn. Talk about a high blood pressure morning. If I had sat, say, across from the seat of doom I would have wiped my hands of any obligation whatsoever. But because I sat right next to it - that was my big mistake - it became my civic fucking duty to warn any innocent bystanders "beware: loogey".

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

The Perfect Storm

New Years day I receive a call and a text and a voicemail from my father (yes, I know Dad... thank you for your vigilance). I was getting dressed to spend the first morning of 2010 (ok afternoon) on the golden gate bridge in obnoxious/exhilirating? mist. Anyhoos - Turns out someone has been using my debit card in Valencia CA. Their first stop - McDonalds. I mean, they need sustenance before they head out on a spending spree. And where better to fuel yourself than at the local MickeyD's? I don't fault them for that one. Smart move stealers of my debit card, the debit card sitting to this day in my wallet on the floor of my room.

The troubling bit is their next move: Straight to the CVS pharmacy where they managed to spend over a hundred dollars. I'm bitching about a cancer patient who lost their insurance and needs to swipe my card info in order to pay for prescriptions aren't I? I am such a bitch. But then! They did it again. Really? Do you not know the wonderful art of theivery? Don't stay in one place possible cancer patient! Move around, do your thing, but it looks shady spending almost $300 dollars at a walgreens wannbe. I mean, Pullease. Don't make me do your job for you.

Well, by the third transaction, the bank got wise and was all, no you didn't... and denied the card. And put a stop on any further transaction. Hooray! Here is the shady bit. I verified with the bank that I have never been to Valencia, also haven't been to a Mcdonalds or a CVS in years. Yet! Before I can even make a claim to get my moneys back, the payments have to go through. So instead of simply preventing me from losing money, I have to have it disappear from my bank account and then file paperwork to have it reimbursed. No biggy if I had an extra 300 dollars lying around. Right after the holidays too, so not exactly the case. Also - rent was due post haste, and i had a paycheck to deposit. All of this landing on New Years Day, a friday, a day the banks are closed. On saturday they are open for a short period of time. So before running around doing errands I head to a Chase downtown. That said chase is CLOSED on weekends altogether. So no money deposited, no temp debit card, the next day is sunday and I have 15 dollars in cash. LAME. Indeed the perfect storm of financial crisis. I am a walking recession.

So then on monday at work everything is going along swimmingly, except when a coworker chops off the tip of his finger. Owe. Gross. Insert shivers here. And then when I go to the bathroom, pull down my jeans, and my phone flies out of the pocket landing right in the toilet. I did not even HESITATE to spin around, thrust my hand in the toilet water and yank out that phone. Not even a moment for "ew". I was mostly swearing loudly until my nubbin coworker knocked on the door and asked if everything was alright. It so was NOT alright. The phone was still on which was promising and after I undid everything, dried it off over and over again as water was still leaking everywhere, and stuck it in a tupperware full of rice, the phone was still acting possessed; flipping between applications, locking and unlocking and locking and unlocking and basically giving me a full blown seizure with all the flashing between screens. So reluctantly I decided to get a new phone.

To my benefit I had just received an email from verizon saying my 1 year discounted new phone whatsit was due and yay! come in and get a new phone on discount! Well, I was worried verizon would close by 6. So at 530 I close up shop at work and run over to the store. Where they tell me I don't get full discount, but actually a discount off the retail price of phones which means they are all motherfucking expensive. Plus my beloved phone has been discontinued. Because it's just TOO awesome. That's why. I finally settle on one that's similar and comes with a 100 dollar mail in rebate so I'm sold.

In the past verizon has billed me whatever the cost is and I pay for it on my next phone bill. Shazaam. And since I have no money because I have no debit card, etc etc, this is my only option. But oops! The lady tells me Verizon changed their policy over the summer and all purchases have to be made upfront.

BAH! Broken phone, I say. Fraud, I say. NO MONEY, I say. She says nothing. I leave, I go back and finish working at the store minus 15 min on my time sheet because I am a good employee and watch the clock. Grumble grumble.

I take the phone home, I plug it in. Maybe it will hold a charge? The texting works if I can ignore the spazz outs, and the only other real problem is I can't hear anything through the ruined speakers when I call out. Turns out - it holds a charge. Hooray! I think I will be alright for a day or so until I can get this all sorted out, surviving by text alone. Sigh.

But then this morning - a new years miracle!! Everything works. Everything. No more twitches, and the speaker works fantastically. Like normal. I have been granted an appeal. YAY! My phone is fine, I won't be out an extra 100 plus dollars, I'm still broke and the theives will probably get away with it but what if they were actually cancer patient thieves and then I can feel a little less annoyed about the whole thing. AND what if my new debit card is pretty? I never really liked the whole mustardy gold bit anyways.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

New Years!

Everyone! Gather round! Behold.... the FUTURE! It's 2010 - where are my meals in pill form and my flying cars? Where is my colony on the moon and clothing made out of shiny shiny fabrics equipped with pointy shoulders? Where are our mobile chatting devices that take and send videos and pictures and text INSTANTLY?! Oh yeah... check on the mobiles.

Anyways ... New Years Eve!! WAHOOOO! PARTAY!!!

Well, sort of. When I told an elderly-ish customer at work that my new years consisted of pizza and movie watching he replied "Looks like you need a CAT!". Excuse me, sir? Excuse me? Do you want to repeat that one more time? Because I am a DOG person and will not hear another word to the contrary!!

But no, really, I was with Kamel, and there was pizza and movies, I was wearing black tights and a sweatshirt, and I was very excited. See?

On the movie menu for the evening was District 9, Drag Me To Hell, and the first episode of the first season of Battlestar Galactica (which happens to be a 3 hour mini series... wait, let me adjust my nerd glasses, ah that's better). We only got through one movie and then we tried to watch fireworks on the local news but no local news was to be had. None. I was disappointed. I blame Kamel's bunny ears attached to his TV. He's going to leave a comment that the TV was working just fine and to blame the news people, but they are untouchable and it's so much more fun to blame him.

We also participated in my 4th christmas celebration of the season. Yay! MORE PRESENTS.

I got him a few DVD sets and a darth vader alarm clock. (Oh my god, I almost spelled vader with an "or"... that would have been grounds for immediate break up. Thank god I double checked on the google.)

I am now queen of the nerds, behold my glory and be careful to shade your eyes so as not to blind yourselves by the brightness of my magnificence. Oh yes.

My boyfriend is better than your boyfriend because he totally surprised me with a kindle. This is me showing off my gift:

And then I immediately called maris to tell her we are now kindle buddies.

What you can't hear in the background is Kamel asking "Wait... what? Who are you calling? What are you doing?" And me: "Shh! I'm calling Maris! She needs to know! We have kindles now!!" And Kamel: "Seriously? Right now?"

For serious.

Overall new years was great! I am a sucker for new beginnings. The only thing I'm worried about now are the massive resolution people who may or may not be flooding my gym as I type. They won't last the month.